look into the eyes of the man who kills you

A new realm of interest has engulfed my life during the last week. The malleability of perception has taken over my attention. The inward potential for infinity is fascinating if possible. But what primarily interests me is the degradation of society and the death of ego.

Is it possible to create a realm of 3rd dimensional nature with nothing aside from your mind? I attempt to find out, but with a subconscious fear. What draws the line between insanity and creativity, I ask myself. Is it when fiction becomes reality, when a square becomes a circle, when you get lost inside the deepest caverns of your mind?

I seem to be unable to enter this unique trance because of fear. In this case, it is a trait that I am not ashamed of. It represents a conscience that begs for a limit. But limits implicate boundaries, and boundaries are anti-requisites to cognitive expansion.

Society represents a boundary. The death of society is the goal of this experiment. Why do I fear the result of my own methodization?

Into the dark, I continue to sit, hanging on to a recent opinion, “stability is not a mental state, but a personal one.”

 

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me” – Psalm 23:4

 

– February 10, 2017

Who am I, oh dear Airy Conscience?

I am stable, legitimate, positive, loving, loyal, grounded, powerful, inflated-chested influential, calm, wise, beautiful. No wind shall move this stable stone; but what will destroy this illusion of independence?

Mistakes, blame, and lust will destroy the man I see in the mirror. Now, the question comes down to head and nail, do I love myself or do I love the novelties of life?

She has it right, with peace, love, and achievement, the epitome of a woman I respect and feel such a gravitational pull towards.

Life is what you choose, and I choose to be the man I want to be; I choose to be the man who chooses quality and fulfillment and who denies novelty and brokenness.

Life is measured in learning, which I have experienced. Is this a feeling that I am willing to lose for trivia, entertainment, sex, or wealth? No, and although I know what makes me happy, now is the time to put happiness into a second gear.

– October 17, 2016

Hermit Crab

Homosapien and Paguroidea alike: two animals who live and die according to hierarchy. A hermit crab will spend the entirety of its life in search for the perfect shell: one that corresponds to criteria in both colour and size; as a human will spill his blood and sweat into molding the epitome of himself: a person that perfects the art of mannerism and who gains the wealth of a 1000 other’ average’ men.

Now, despite this broad early-made comparison, the centre of my inquiry lies within myself. Why do I find that in order to gain social status, I must continue to abandon shells? Why must I continue to shed friends, personality traits, and experiences in the ultimate search for comfort and complacency?

The Pen and Her Master

What stems beneath the majestic umbrella of the Angel Oak Tree in the heat and congestion of South Carolina? From such a musty, cemented soil, erected are some of the most beautiful and magnificent networks of branching.

What stems from the right hand of a nicotine-addicted, alcohol enthusiast writer bathing in the rat poison of the 21st century society? What does he spill in for: love, self-fulfillment, or to bask in the transience of isolation?

Humility, Gravity

The fourth rides into the most painfully obvious milestone that which I’ve neglected. Humility: potentially my weakest quality.

Like gravity, humility is often a disregarded and unnoticed aspect of one’s life. It is only with recession that a seemingly normal society is destroyed.

Today, a man walked up to me and I shook his hand as I looked into his eyes. The eyes were aggressive and the hand was stiff. He stepped away and I thought, pondering the factors that contribute to such a primitive, underlying fury. Then I stepped back, my mind contemplating. Pride was the answer but its opposite, humility was the solution.

I sit back and rest on the concept on humility. The values and skills of open-mindedness, balance, self-awareness, and independence are its closest allusions. Yet, I find it so uniquely disturbing how modern ideals of society thrive and hinge on pride and selfishness.

– September 6, 2016

Leisure: Self-Actualization

The third chapter unveils the first day where my pen meets paper to complete no task other than discussing my monotonous introspection. A very petite, but groundbreaking feat was finalized in my last two days. I’ve felt the presence of an introvert that emerged through thick piles of reinforced walls.

As the stench of superficiality, the solidity of cement walls, and the grubbiness underneath my feet start to make me twitch a little bit every step I advance, I’m beginning the first feet of the stint.

Now, I took into the abyss of independence with radical excitement but it has weakened my knees. But here is presented, the paradox of challenges: you see it coming, but you forget how hard it can hit.

But one of the many perks that entail independence is its architectural properties; similar to confidence in that aspect. As a foundation is completed, the beautiful frame of networking becomes art instead of work. However, mind myself, do not underestimate the process of building, as the foundation weighs 20% of the house and takes about 7 times that weight to solidify and set it.

I’m currently in the process, but it’ll all be worth it in the end.

– September 5, 2016

The Labyrinth: Closure and New Beginnings

The second chapter opens with a leap of faith into uncharted territory and closes with an ultimate emergence; all of which occurs on the consequent day of the previous chapter. The labyrinth of closure; the emotional deathtrap.

Closure and logic are two factors who run parallel to one another but despite their similarities, often times they dismantle each other. For the longest time, I believed closure could only be completed over the fading of nostalgia and the span of time. Closure was a kink in my armour, or my Achille’s heel per se. After every heartbreak, I felt like Theseus entering the Labyrinth to face the ultimate and foreseen challenge, the Minotaur, or in my case, finding emotional fulfillment. Music, magazines, and media speak to me, telling me that the solution is simply time. However, for the first time today, instead of hiding from the Minotaur, I pursued it. This is my leap of faith: mustering my will to own up to my mistakes and to move forward in a more integral, positive, and logical direction. I found accelerated closure today for the first time and it feels amazing as I also take my first step into independence.

I’ve extracted the formula for the best outcome: introspection and a quality of thinking that invites enrichment.

The most complete quality of life is just around the corner and I am continuing to strive for it.

– September 4, 2016